he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
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She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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