thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
