do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
