i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize