shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Girls should come with a carfax report
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
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Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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