You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
