i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
