I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
