awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
birth control should be required to get into college
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
