Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
