Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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