Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
