she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
