i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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