Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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