If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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