sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
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Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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