She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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