OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
