11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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