Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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