So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
