Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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