I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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