i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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