Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
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He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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