i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
