Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
