I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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