Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
