i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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