"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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