I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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