If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
