I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
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They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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