you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
