No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
