It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
