If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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