ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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