I wish I could teleport
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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