I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
dude. I can hear the air.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
