dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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