you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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