I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Small penises have feelings too.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
