the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
