they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
