Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
