the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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