btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
