i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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