My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
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I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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