I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize