I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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