Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
