Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
