i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
