No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
