Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize