Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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